Allow me to introduce myself...

So, I'm a Jersey Mom who has found herself in the oddest of places. As of fall 2009, life was damn near perfect! My husband & I were working hard at raising our 2 awesome little kids (cue the wavy special effects of a 1980's sitcom that alerts us to a flashback sequence...)

In 2004, my husband & I embarked on our greatest adventure together. We made the difficult decision that I would leave my "Corporate America" job so I could pursue the challenging path of a "Household Engineer." Our first child was born, our daughter, our "Shining Star", our most perfect accomplishment to date. We were not people of means, losing my salary would definitely mean a life of sacrifices ahead of us, but it was something we were willing to try, in hopes of attempting to get this parenting thing right. We knew, once I left, there was no turning back. The chance of me being able to return at some point, realizing my current salary and position would be impossible so we decide to hold our collective nose & jump. In 2006, our happy little household expanded to incorporate our dear, dear son, our second greatest accomplishment. Life was moving along swimmingly. Your average household, birthday's & Christmas's pass, many laughs, lots of blessings, average hurdles, always in need of: just a little more money, a few less pounds and always the next home project to tackle...we were surviving but if there was just A FEW MORE DOLLARS to stretch...we would be able to exhale. We had lived in this place for so long, it felt normal to us, so we counted our blessings & looked to the future. The future of my husband’s career looked promising & I went on to obtain my real estate license after the birth of my son. I had this great plan, I would work part-time somewhere & learn the business until both kids were in school full time. By then, I would have a good handle on the business & I'd delve into my second career full force. Yes, yes...the market crashed I know, but me, the ever optimist, took it as a blessing! By the time the market turned around, I would have built my resume & would be able to market myself as a successful salesperson in the worst market since the Great Depression! The time I had to devote to my clients was fantastic!  My motivation was to be able to make enough money to afford my kids Catholic school tuition & still be able to be a class Mom if I felt like it. Like I said, we were getting by, BUT adding the cost of tuition to the mix made it all the harder & this was not something we were willing to compromise on. My desire was to ease the burden on my husband & if God blessed us with anything MORE than that...well then, WOO HOO for us, but I'd settle for restful sleep. Ahhh, life was moving along EXACTLY according to plan. I can honestly say we were very, very happy. And since we started our journey together we had been active members of our local Catholic parish attending weekly Mass thanking God for all of our said blessings & I was Chairperson of the Parish's Pro-Life Committee.
But Halloween weekend of 2009 wound up being a pivotal point for our happy, little family. My dear husband came home from work and shared that he had been let go from his job, downsized, laid off! The company he had been with for over 15 years & his first "real job" after college. This news was devastating. I’m certain TOO MANY people reading this know EXACTLY our emotions. Well, once again, we counted our blessings, his severance package was nothing to shake a stick at & THANKFULLY, my husband being in finance and all, had been very aggressive with saving for our retirement. Between his severance & additional saving accounts we knew that we would be fine ESPECIALLY since we just knew he would get hired in fairly short order, right? I mean, c’mon?  FIFTEEN years in retirement planning? All his background & experience…his excellent work record…he would be scooped up in a jiffy, right? That was October of 2009…what day is it today?  SIGH…has anyone mentioned that it’s HELL out there? 
So, I started doing something I really hadn’t done too much of until that point. PRAYING. Of course I said a few obligatory prayers each day…before meals and before the children went to sleep as part of their ritual BUT…as for deep, personal, truly thoughtful prayer…no, I really did not have that as part of my daily routine. I use to think about it, in passing once in awhile, kind of like “Huh ya, I really should be doing more of that shouldn’t I…” and then the moment would pass as quickly as it came until the next time I pondered it. But now, well now I really had some pray’en to do. Funny how that happens huh?
As I mentioned, my kids were attending a little Catholic school, so a few days a week, I would head over to the attached church & say the rosary & a few random prayers before the Tabernacle to beg for God’s assistance & guidance. The stress felt unbearable at times. This became my regular practice to the point if I missed one of these days, I felt badly that I had not started my day off right.  And so began my journey in understanding the importance of prayer. Oddly, during this time, each night my husband & I would put the kids to bed & watch various political talk shows & news programs and every night as we watched the crisis that faced our nation, I use to turn to my husband & say “I feel like we are meant to go through this, like we are being made strong so we can help other people soon…because things are BAD & I think they are only going to get worse.” My husband knows me too well…me & my streams of ideas & thoughts that rattle around my brain.  So he nods his head, half ignoring me (but there is that half that is listening too) week after week I’d make some comment like this to him…I’d say “Don’t you feel it? Like a crescendo building?  Like something really bad is going to happen & we are going to be called on…” I can almost hear his feigned response. Well, month after month passes & our bank account dwindles & the nightly news grows more & more dire. More family & friends lose jobs, short sell their homes, get downgraded, are denied bonuses…tough times all around. We continue to plod along each month as our stress levels grew. My husband has been on many promising interviews with lots of talk like “You’re one of our top candidates…” only to get the final “Thanks but, no thanks.” letter a week later.  My husband, God love him, tried so hard to keep his job search to Tri-state area for us. Knowing that I had been trying very hard to build my real estate business & with some success at this point (not nearly enough to support us BUT I was working hard at it) and now the kids were in school, a school we had fallen in love with for them.  We were really (especially me) entrenched in our parish community between our faith & the school. This was really the lifestyle I could have only dreamed of.  So he tried & tried then finally we realized (or should I said I FINALLY REALIZED) that we were not in a position any longer to be choosey. If a decent job presented itself, no matter where it took us, he would HAVE to take it. With the understanding that as soon as possible we would make our way back here to attempt to resume our perfect little life. Well, a job DID present itself this Spring, with options of moving to either: Texas, North Carolina, or Georgia!! This was an in particularly phenomenal job that I could not deny him. He had a very serious chance at getting it, he was one of 3 final candidates in the running. They made him attend a 5 hour day of interviewing ending in a presentation they asked him to learn. He was so confident at his chances, I began looking at real estate online & began asking God for acceptance of the change that was before us. The following week, we jumped every time the phone rang thinking this was the call to tell us of our new fate. A walk to the mailbox put an end to THAT anxiety. Sure enough “Thank you but we have decided to continue our search…”  Continue your search?  So out of your THREE final people, NONE proved to be suitable???  Who was the one making the short list in the first place?  Maybe their job should be in question, no?  My poor husband.  He was crushed. Out of all the interviews he had been on, this one was the CLOSEST position to perfect he could have asked for. Not a job he was over qualified for nor was it a stretch for him. My husband said that he "would NEVER understand why this opportunity past him." Little did we know the "WHY" would soon present itself to us. He was not this upset when he 1st lost his job!  I was worried for him but for some reason, I was not nearly as upset by the actual loss of that job. I believe, prayer had finally gotten me to the place where I was truly able to leave the outcome in God’s hands. It wasn’t just a saying anymore. It was something I was living by. 
So I was working more & more hours in attempt to find more customers & hubby was doing a great job with the kids at home. For some reason, this year had been a tough on my kids with bringing home every kind of illness the school had to offer. My daughter had recently had this weird virus that presented itself with aches & pains in the legs & back. I had heard EVERYONE had gotten it & was thinking, BOY it’s not often my little guy misses a bullet like that…he’s the kid who winds up with EVERYTHING. Until one day he started complaining of a backache. Per the doctor, I started pumping him full of over the counter muscle relaxers until it passed. I was worried. I was convinced that this was NOT the same virus his sister had recently. Night after night in bed next to my husband before lights went out I’d say “I don’t like this thing with our boy.” & he’d shake his head & say “He’s a 5 year old boy…he strained his back or something. You are over reacting.”  There were no fevers, no lack of appetite just…not running around like newly 5 year old boy SHOULD. The Friday after Easter I took the kids to the zoo here in NJ to meet up with some of their classmates. I had already scheduled a follow up doctor’s appointment for later that day because the pain was STILL there…well, at the zoo there was a pretty big slide (who this kid never met a slide he didn’t love) which he begged me to go on. I was wary because he had been favoring his back a lot that day. I reluctantly said “Yes…BUT BE CAREFUL PLEASE!”  I waited at the bottom for his landing & when he did…the kid couldn’t get up.  He called for me to help with tears in his eyes. I carried him out of the zoo that day & after an exam by his doctor we were sent to a children’s hospital in the area. After a week of testing, tears and terror, we found out our most perfect son had a stage four cancer. A cancer so rare & terrible, my husband aptly questioned “How messed up is it, when you wish your child had Leukemia?” which pretty much sums up our feelings at that moment. The "Why?" in my mind was answered immidiately & I also know why I was feeling like "We were being made strong" prior to finding out this news.
Now that you know the story, this is where we begin our journey together finding God’s strength every day and growing in our Catholic faith. It is the ONLY way we survive, navigating our way through this life. Helping, learning and lots of laughing. You will find I am unabashed, unafraid & most probably controversial. I have no problem if you disagree with me, I only ask that you be respectful!!  God bless.