Terrible Blow....

Well, as I have written in many blog enteries before, my 6 year old son experienced, in my humble opinion, a miracle of healing last year in his fight against cancer.  Since April 2011, I have been in complete awe of events that have unfolded and "signs" I have experienced which I have perceived as assistance to lead me through my sons ordeal. 
It was week 51 of a 52 week treatment schedule this past week. We were excited and waiting to re-enter life as a healthy family with a boy who literally TROUNCED one of the worst childhood cancers known to man (rhabdomyosarcoma) when last week he started waking each day with migranes and vomiting.  By the second day of headaches the doctors wanted to give him a CT scan of the brain to see what was going on. Sure enough...since April 2012 (his most recent set of cancer free scans) it had returned to coat his brain. Tuesday we were told it is inoperable & incurable. We are at the stage of just making him comfortable until his passing.

So many emotions, so much pain and grief, the agony is beyond words. I wish it on no man.

So where is God in all of this?  Does this mean that all of those miraculous "signs" were mere figments of my imagination?  Am I truly just a warped, zealot, Jesus freak who saw signs as a coping mechanism? As I look back at all of the AMAZING events that have taken place over the course of the past 14 months I can honestly say NO!  My son not only beat stage 4 cancer (with bone marrow 100% diseased, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT! And tumors on his bones etc.) but he did it with virtually no side effects.  He was taking NINE different chemo drugs and had to endure 40 radiation treatments in six differnet areas of his body...he woke everyday with a smile & his job to do & he did it without question and making us laugh all along the way. He never got sick to his stomach (until just last week.)  He did it all with what I would consider MINIMAL issues compared to what I have witness other families having to endure.  He did experience fevers when his blood counts dropped too low but in my opinion, these were more annoyances than anything of concern or worry. It would have not been humanly possible for him to endure the drugs he was taking without SOME type of reaction & the low grade fever was his Achilles heel. They were all in awe over him & how quickly & seemingly EASILY he rid his body of this horrendous disease. 
My confidence (as you all witnessed) was so high that this kid was being asked to share his story of faith & struggle with the world.  I was praying that he may one day consider the priesthood possibly BECAUSE of these events. 
But then this. This CRUSHING and DEVASTATING news on the very last week of TREATMENT.  This was a cruel & sick joke for sure.
My mind has gone to Abraham & Job so many times throughout this experience and this week in particular becasue in my heart of hearts I know this is no other work than that of Satan. God does not create sickness...God creates only that which is good.  Sickness and death was born out of sin, it is polar OPPOSITE of God. 
In Job we recall that Satan kind of tried to trump God, right?   If we recall...he said something like "Give me one of your most faithful and I will show you how quickly they will abandon You" so God agreed & gave him Job the righteous man who lived a charmed life with wealth and a large family and who always praised the Lord.  Satan killed all of his children, diseased his body, made him lose his wealth and was tossed to the outskirts of town due to his disease and was abandon.  All the while his "best Friends" tried to get him to lose his faith in the Lord by blaming God for all of his woes.  Time after time he continued to defend his faith. Finally God relieved him of his pain and anguish and restored Job to his respectable life, he had more children and he gained his wealth back and lived for the rest of his days favored by God. 
I have heard it  now many times "This sort of thing should never have to happen to a child!" and to see my son even twinge in any pain wrenches my heart in two. I do not understand why the Church has moved away from speaking about the evils of Satan on a regular basis, I know how scary it is but being witness to his work, so up close and personal and SEEING how he attempting to ruin my family by ruining our faith in the Lord by ravaging what is so dear to us on this earth is what is needed to be shared so we know how to weather these storms. 
God gave my family all of last year with a sick boy who never really acted sick. We got to intimately enjoy him in a way we would have never otherwise.  It is why my husband was out of work so he could spend that time too.  We grew as a family that the otherwise busy, family life would have never allowed us to do.  I was taking all of our good blessings and Divine "signs" to mean we were gifted with the miracle of HEALING so we could go on to share God's witness as a family but now I see, all of those gifts He bestowed on us was 14 months of a gifted and happy boy that we got share before he was going to need to leave us.
We are prepared for the worst but would take a healing miracle if God grants us one. I beg all of you to pray the rosary for my son and family. Lets give Satan something really to boil about...we know he HATES our devotion to Mary hence we see him at work through the so very many who hate Catholics because of this admiration and love we have for her.
Over this past week I thought about how it is a Mother's main job to work as hard as she can to make sure her children reach Heaven. Well, given my son's age and just what a remarkable, holy soul he is he will go straight to Heaven without ANY assistance from me, so my heart can rest easy in knowing that one of my children will have already made it there to Mother Mary arms.
Good people, I have written to you all about death before.  We are blessed to be Catholic! It is not an end for my boy...it is a beginning.  My husband, daughter & I just have to figure out how to manage our next handful of decades until we see him again.  It is now my main focus to do EVERYTHING I can to make sure my soul is worthy enough to enter the gates of Heaven to be beside my boy again FOREVER. My boy will assist us through it, as he has assisted us through his illness from the beginning. My husband is having a very difficult time accepting that this world will have missed our boys potential...but I argue, in Heaven he will so far surpass any earthly potential God gifted him that we cannot even fathom it.
Pray for us dear people.  Pray for all who are in Purgatory.  And pray for the poor souls who do not believe in God and their conversions. Rejoice in the fact that we are Catholic because our bodies are mere vessels for short periods of time before we have a chance to be in God's presence.
Get right with God good people. Go to Confession, cleanse your souls be ready.
God love you.