As I stood listening to this PHENOMINAL story, my eyes watered up & I found myself holding back from crying. At that moment I really couldn’t explain WHY this was happening but it soon made sense. This Gospel was just more proof for me that our awesome God will intervene personally for us and all we need is faith.
My life has been so gifted by God giving me my son, his grave illness and miraculous recovery. To witness such events first hand has been quite overwhelming. I try hard to share these things because I know these gifts were not meant for just me. God wants me to write them down. He wants me to help others find this amazing place of peace, calm, stability and happiness. So, I think a lot about how best to express myself. The complexity is so far more than just explaining remarkable events as they unfold because I feel I can do that fairly easily…it is what occurs as a RESULT of being witness to such things that are life altering and I keep trying to put into words all that transpires so I might be able to help others to this wonderful place.
So during my parish priest’s homily yesterday he focused of the fact that we humans have a lot of fears. The most common of which is the fear of death. And I liked what he said about it, he said ‘God did not create fear…if we refer back to the creation story…all God made was good. Satan created fear to prey on the weakness of humans’ and I couldn’t agree with him more. We are so lucky to be Catholic but I think many of us FORGET what we are suppose to believe and have FAITH in. We believe that our physical death is merely a process that needs to take place so we can move onto our next and greater chapter. Why are we so fearful of it? We are fearful because Satan tells us to be so. He does this by making the unknown seem scary…our mind equates the unknown to darkness, loneliness, danger…remember the ONLY reason there even IS physical death is because of the sin of humans to begin with, but God never told us any of these frightening things about human death. Why don’t we have faith in God on this matter yet feed into Satan allowing his fear to take over? God told us that if we follow Him and have TRUE faith in Him there is NOTHING to be frightened of in death. Maybe we fear the possibility of hell? If that is the case...we can rectify that any time we choose through Confession and changing of ones behavior. None of us want to face any pain but to spend one moment of life worrying about a potential painful death is just wasted time. A HUGE lesson I had to learn quickly when my son got sick is that time is too short to waste one second on “what-ifs.” There were real time concerns to concentrate on and to spend a moment on worrying about “what if my son needs another operation, what if he gets left back in school, and the worst of them what if my son’s cancer comes back…” was/is fruitless and a waste. I have learned that I cannot waste any time or energy on POTENTIAL bad scenarios. Real ones need all my attention and efforts. I think of all the worries I had about my kids PRE-stage 4 cancer hitting one of them & I have to laugh at how ridiculous they seem. I'd be lying to say that there aren't moments of weakness I experience but I don’t allow them to stir up debilitating fears because that is EXACTLY what fears main objective is…to stop us from proceeding. I recall all the things I did not attempt in life because of fear of my inadequacies. HA! I was so silly and foolish looking back now. I think about all the limitations I put on myself, all the missed opportunities and dreams that went untouched. Fears like that are all gone now thank God. Fear of failure is so far down on the list of concerns...I view everything with the mindframe of "what is the worst that can happen..." I tell dear friends that I am no longer the person to come to if they need someone commiserate with because the only advice I’m gonna give them is “Ah…no worries, this too shall pass.” Because...it WILL so why spend time stressing over it?
When you are literally holding the hand of your own child who is very close to death and you have come to accept that death for this child is a very real probability and you have allowed God into this dark and threatening place with you…things happen. If you ask Him, He will gift you with inspired thoughts. Thoughts that bring stability to your overwrought mind that; “All will be well if you give over all suffering Him.” You think to yourself…well OK…how does one actually DO this? Well, I can recall the day I sat beside my son, who was doped with morphine as I held his little hand and my heart and mind cried out to God and said “This is too much for me God. No human can withstand this…please, please take this pain & worry away from me. I have to be strong for my 5 year old…I cannot let him fight this battle alone, please give me the strength and show me the path I must take to navigate us through this. Abraham was willing to sacrifice his only child because You asked it of him…if You ask this of me, please just give me the strength to live through it myself and the wherewithal to keep the rest of my family intact." And…He did. When I offered all of this up in this manner was when shortly afterwards I received the phone call I have written about a few times now from my old friend telling me about my son's doctors. That was when I knew…I KNEW God was communicating with me and he was answering me. He told me LOUDLY that he will help me if I have complete faith. From that moment on, I had renewed strength. I had a laser focused path I was to take and how I was going to take it. My job was carved out for me for my next 15 months and that was to be 100% mother to my 2 kids and the best and patient partner to my husband as we travelled this road. ALL of my fears were squelched because the plan was shared with me. I now had the bluepraint for success. God took my hand & led me so I could take my child's hand and lead him. I felt so confident that God made me privy to our immidiate plan that I was actually happy. Everyday I was happy. Because I knew God was holding me up. It seemed evident that every time I felt myself losing strength…God would send a little sign to remind me, something that would shake me to say “Chin up girl…you must keep going for your family…I am here, see me?” When I allow myself to sit and think back over this incredible experience I was fortunate enough to have over the past 15 months, I sometimes just fall to my knees to thank God for all of His awesome blessings. My son started an INCREDIBLE turn around immediately at the onset of his chemo protocol. With a 10% chance of living he was deemed in complete remission before he had even reached his half way point in treatments. Something his doctors had never seen before.
Sadly, I have witnessed young children dying over this past year. Something I wish on no man BUT as sad as I am for the families who experience this…my heart leaps knowing this child of God has returned to Him and this is where we should all long to be. We Catholics know (or should know) that we should rejoice for the soul that gets to be in God’s presence. I’ve said it before and that is the only fear I have of passing myself is leaving my 2 little ones before they are old enough to understand that it won’t take very long before we are all together again in perfectness …that is if Mommy does her part & is prepared to meet God. This experience has taught me so many lessons. And my son will probably never know how much of a better person he has made me but…the biggest lesson of all was how UNREADY my soul was a year ago to meet God and how hard I must try for the rest of my life to prepare myself for that day. Now, so little is important to me other than this goal. No fears, no angers, no jealousy’s, no material wants or needs….just unbridled happiness for happiness sake is what this experience and brush with God has done for me. Now I see life as a series of happy events in which I attempt to make pleasing to God. I see God in so many places that I hadn’t since I was a child. The busyness of life shielded my eyes from seeing Him. When I take notice of God’s intervention in something simple, it at times conjures memories from childhood when I had such an intimate, uncomplicated relationship with God. It was when I knew God was communicating to me and leading me but with maturity and a muddled society came questions. That was when I dropped the “silly” notions of a God who personally entered my life and I THANK GOD he has showed me the error of my ways and has reverted me back to the truth. So I lead my life with confidence now. No fear of life, death or circumstances because I have seen God, first hand at work at the darkest moments of it and how He responds when we have complete faith. He removes all fear for us and absolutely guides us through it all. Happiness comes with the stability and strength that is gifted and fear has no place left here. If I feel fear creeping into the corners of my mind, I just pray and it leaves me.
Each day, I learn more about my faith and the more amazed I am how everything makes so much sense now. How we have always been gifted with the TRUTH and how so many of us choose not to see it. When I read the Bible now, I understand it more than I ever have and I thank God for that as well.
I saw this collection today and it is not just something I read…it is something I live now. I pray that everyone reading this can feel such calm by embracing these words and putting them into practice in their own lives.
F.E.A.R.= False Evidence Appearing Real.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7-10
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7-10
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline” 2 Timothy 1:7
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all
fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and it shows that we have
not fully experienced His perfect love.” 1 John 4:18
God bless good people.
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