God Smacked....

So, I left you, all of a few days ago, in deep despair over the news of my son. His cancer was back, in the brain and it was terminal. Since that post, my husband and I had to share some of the most difficult moments anyone has to face. We began planning our precious boy’s funeral. We were waiting for our initial meeting with HOSPICE and I began writing his eulogy.
After the initial shock of this horrendous news, my family ran away for a few days down to the Jersey shore. We had not been away together for 15 months due to the cancer treatment schedule my son had to endure and this place was where we always found our respite. This was our happy place. But even this place did not hold enough magic to dissipate the fog of despair that we brought with us. We knew, that upon our return, our boy would under go a PET scan to find out where this insidious disease had spread to. This was to help the doctors figure out how best to alleviate any pain that would arise in the different parts of his body.
I had taken to saying a daily rosary early on in my son's illness, but I must admit, over the last few months, I had slacked. I had not been AS diligent as I once was. My schedule had dramatically changed and with that, I allowed myself to get lazy about my prayer life. It was my excuse of course. Well, as one could imagine, as soon as I heard the newest information about my son, it all changed. I felt horribly guilty as if I betrayed my friends, Mary, the saints & of course God by now returning to them, in such a horrible time of need & begging for my child’s life. I pleaded for forgiveness, guidance, discernment and of course, a miracle of healing.
The burden of misery was so heavy. As each day passed, I began to wrap my head around the concept that soon, I would not have my little boy around us for much longer. Somehow, I began to feel more and more at peace knowing that he was going straight to Heaven. Now it would be my sole mission to work at getting me and my family members there so we could be together again.
I had come to a place where I was talking openly with my children about our human passing and our goal at reaching Heaven and how it was imperative that it always remain our main focus in life. I was thinking that I should use every moment of this human pain to try and do something good with it...like help teach my other child that this WHOLE journey of life comes down to this moment. The moment of our death & it is what we do on Earth that is our preparation for it. My six year old took to talking about what he was going to do when he reached Heaven pretty regularly and each time he discussed it I thought my knees would give out from under me.  I was only standing by the grace of God. 
The hospital staff & social workers rushed to fulfill my son’s “Make a Wish” dream trip to Disney World.  It was originally planned for late August, thinking he’d be well past chemo treatments and hopefully feeling great so we could use the week as a long awaited celebration for him.  Now, they planned it in 3 days & we were due to leave by the end of the week. With fake smiles, it would be our “last hurrah” as a family of four.  The dread was overwhelming. Each day seemed like a year. 
My parish community was, as always, just tremendous.  There was a prayer service held every other night it seemed, to say the rosary for a complete healing of our boy.  I was actually able to attend a few of them and the sorrow these people felt for our family, the outpouring of kindness and generosity, it truly was comforting and nothing short of amazing.  It made me so happy to be Catholic and part of such a phenomenal community. 
Once again, I found myself begging people for their prayers.  If I saw a Nun in habit, I would walk up to them,hand them my son’s name on a scrap of paper and ask for prayers.  I e-mailed and Facebooked my son's story into gaining a million prayers in his name, I think.  Heck, you know …I reached out to all of YOU as well.
So, we returned home from our quick jaunt to the shore last Sunday.  Monday, at 8AM my son was due in for his PET scan.  If you are not familiar with all of the medical jargon, God bless you, I wish you never have to learn but…a PET scans only job is to identify cancer cells in the body.  It cannot detect cancer in the bone or blood but it will light up ANY areas in the body cavity that have cancer. I had asked someone at the hospital if this test was one my son had to fast for.  It is hard asking a 6 year old not to even drink a glass of water until the test is done although sadly my little guy knows this drill all too well.  They told me “no” so this was as slight relief.  
We keep candy around our house now at all times, it is PURELY for bribing purposes.  It is the easiest AND ONLY method of getting him to take any of his oral medicines. So I threw a 2lb bag of peanut M&M’s into my bag the morning of the test KNOWING I was going to need to bribe him at some point in time during that day.  We arrived for our test and they gave me a contrast drink for my boy to consume.  This is a NASTY experience for an ADULT to endure, let alone a six year old.  SO as he cried, I begged, cajoled and bribed him to drink this substance with said M&M’s.  After a few gulps, and an hour of debate he finally put his foot down and absolutely REFUSED to drink this horrible concoction. I sheepishly went back to the nuclear medicine folks & told them our predicament.  Much to my chagrin, they said it was fine, that they would do the scan without it??!!  If I had KNOWN, my poor little guy wouldn’t have gone through such drama and well….sigh…what was done, was done. We got to the next stage of his testing when the technician asked “So, Nothing to eat or drink today, RIGHT?” I had to explain that had eaten and it was about 20 M&M’s while I was bribing him to consume the nasty drink that he didn’t have to take in the first place…UGG! We were sent home only to reschedule our appointment for two days later, sure enough, this WAS a test that needed to  be fasted for. What a comedy of errors!
That morning, on the way to the hospital, I had dropped my daughter at a dear friend’s house. She handed me a precious item of hers.  It was a relic of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton.  Oddly enough, this friend’s own daughter, at the age of 3 AND 5, beat a rare childhood cancer TWICE! She explained that the relic was truly miraculous and had helped many people in her life. Now she was loaning it to my boy, we are truly blessed. When I finally made it back to this friend’s home to pick up my daughter and explained my screw up at the hospital, she laughed and said “No worries, it gives us one more day to pray for that miracle." 
So Monday was my screw up, Tuesday there was yet another prayer service to say the rosary for a healing which I was glad I was able to attend.  Afterwards, people were approaching, asking all kinds of questions and I explained “I keep praying for a healing miracle BUT I’d even take just a new treatment regime that could give us a SHOT.”  when a friend approached and said “Are you KIDDING? What we are praying for here tonight is a complete healing!  We are praying for that PET scan tomorrow to come back clean!” and I thought to myself, "Yes…why not?  Why can’t my son be like the woman who touched Jesus’ cloak?” I have that faith in Him!  My son has that faith in Him! My son can absolutely be healed.  Do you all remember just a few entries ago, before I even KNEW about my son’s newest condition and how I said I began to CRY at Mass when hearing that Gospel story??  I all of a sudden got a HUGE sense of renewed strength. I started thinking about how Satan was using my weakness, my despair and how he was so badly wanting me & my family to break and turn from God at this moment.  He was preying on our human frailties and I felt like I was no longer in a medical fight. This was spiritual warfare now.  Science no longer could help my boy OR my family.  This now was a battle of who was going to get my family’s souls.  My son, his battle was won…but I could not foresee my daughter & husband’s path in life.  Would this experience mentally scar my daughter?  Would she grow angry and leave her faith one day?  Would my husband grow bitter with the world, become despondent and lose HIS faith?  These were the things that plagued me.  I went home that night and spoke to God, begging him to let this small child who brought so much light to so many be a beacon, be a sign, to all who meet him or hear about him. May he be a person to draw people closer to the Lord because of his story. Let my family be faithful servants and a witness to your goodness and use us as vehicles to bring people back to the one, true, faith in this time when the world so badly needs conversion. 
Right before my son’s PET scan the next morning, in the hospital, I Consecrated him to Mother Mary and said one final rosary beside him. I stood over him while I desperately spoke to God again and said “Dear God, if it is your will to take my son, it will happen no matter what happens in this test today.  Please just give my family the strength to survive and remain in your light.” My heart was at peace.  I no longer felt the dread and the threat of chaos that had consumed my mind as of late.  My focus was crystal clear.  This test would tell how severe my son’s cancer was and where in the body it was located.  After the test, we were to head over to the children’s oncology clinic to meet with my boy’s Oncology team & MAYBE get some preliminary results back on this PET.  So we did just that. We decided to stick around for a little bit to get whatever news we could. 
The top doctor came into the room, sat down and said “Liz, tell me about your son’s head trauma.” My mind raced…”What?  What are you suggesting doctor?” I stammered.  He said "You mentioned to us when we FIRST heard this news that your son hit his head weeks ago…tell us that story again because the PET scan is showing NO CANCER, anywhere in his body.  The Spinal tap results are back from the lab & they are showing NO CANCER cells in the spinal fluid BUT they are showing  large amounts of OLD blood…when did he hit his head again?  We think what showed up on the MRI is evidence of head trauma.”  
We are in Disney as I write this to you CELEBRATING LIFE...what say you?