In recent years, I have met some fabulous people through my parish & my kid’s school (attached to the Church) through various organizations & events I have taken part of. And through getting to know these folks, I have realized that MANY, everyday people, live their lives in receipt of & abiding by, signs they believe are regularly sent to them by God. Huh. REALLY? These were people I respected & by becoming friends with them, I have come to witness how blessed many of these people are and it really made me take pause. I attended a woman’s conference one day which, near the end became an open discussion. It was at this time that I became aware of just how many women in attendance felt they had, had some type of “Divine Intervention” take place in their lives and for some it was quite a regular experience. One woman, an extremely intelligent lady, actually studied how signs can come to us through sequences of numbers that are regularly found in the Bible….like a Catholic numerology! And another woman said that she had a serious devotion to St. Therese, “The Little Flower”, and when she called on her in prayer, inevitably, she would receive a gift of a rose to let her know that St. Therese was hearing her! All of this really blew my mind! Some asked me about my experiences which I had none to share! They all seemed shocked and adamantly insisted that I become more aware & open to these types of things. I had always believed that miracles took place like when a priest administered a Sacrament and to very holy & pious people who later became SAINTS but to a shlub like me? Skeptically, I left thinking about all of this.
These past two years have changed my skepticism into being a believer that my mind is still having a hard time wrapping around just how much. Since sharing with you my position on suffering due to my son's illness, I will now try & share with you all the “signs” I believe I’ve received along this crazy roller coaster ride my life has been along this journey.
My husband has been out of work for two years now. Halloween weekend of 2009 he came home to share the news with us that he was being laid off from the company he had worked for, for fifteen years. Since then, the “signs” have been hard to ignore. 2010 was a year spent in worry & anxiety. Living off of our savings and watching the news as the financial situation of our country grew increasing worse with loss of jobs & markets tanking, the outlook was NOT good. My husband is/was a finance guy in a niche market. His industry in particular was taking a terrible beating. Resumes went out regularly with few responses & the random interview always seemed too promising. I’ve mentioned it before and I have no idea why, but during this time I had this overwhelming & increasing feeling within me that my family was going through this trail because we were going to be called on, soon, to be strong for others. I thought that possibly we were learning the true lesson of humbleness and humility so when friends and family experienced it (which inevitably they would, due to one in every 10 people being without a job today) we would be able to be some kind of source of strength for them. My husband thought I was nuts, but I could not get away from this nagging feeling that was at me all the time. I prayed & prayed that my husband would find work but as of yet, it has not happened and I truly believe that there has been reasons for it. I have also mentioned that in February of 2011 my husband went on a series of interviews for a very exciting position. If he GOT the job, it would have moved us to North Carolina. He was told he was one of three final candidates and his chances were VERY high. So much so, that I began looking at real estate and schools online. Well, he did NOT get that job and my husband was crushed. As crappy though it was, I STILL felt that there was a reason for it. Well, when in the first week of May my son was diagnosed with stage-four cancer, I began STARTING to believe that maybe there was something to the concept of “signs” for everyday shlubs. My mind immediately thought about “why” I had had this nagging feeling of “being made strong”…we were being made strong & I was learning how to REALLY pray in preparation for my son’s illness!! My husband isn’t working so he can be here for our family during this difficult time. He has 100% picked up the slack at home with my daughter & has offered her a near normal life while my poor son & I have virtually lived at a hospital. She is still able to attend birthday parties and soccer games, her grades are not suffering and I contend it is because she isn’t being shipped off to friends, neighbors & grandparents while we continue with my sons treatments. I HONESTLY don’t know how other family’s do it without there being more chaos & more emotional strain on the rest of the family with parents at work. My husband CLEARLY did not get that job in NC so we would BE HERE for the amazing doctors who pushed to get our son into the trial drug study he is in. It is so obvious to me. If we had continued our easy life right up until my son became ill…I THINK my mind would have quickly & easily gone to the “why me” place & I would have done far more damage to my family than this illness has! My husband being out of work forced me to have already evaluated my life and my mind would not have already accepted and learned the lessons of humility & life’s true meanings. The sustaining GIFT of pray that had already become enriched & huge part of my life by all the time on my knees over my husband was ramped up even more when my son’s illness came along. Signs? There is no doubt that they were. I have claimed that although we have had to deal with the earth shattering situation of our son’s illness, we have been spoon fed by God, Himself through all of this. The very first day in the emergency room with my son, before we even KNEW what we were going to be faced with, my husband & I looked at each other and our stomachs churned. In January we took the leap of dropping medical insurance for our family. 1) Because we were NEVER sick & 2) We were confident he would soon be working. The cost of private insurance would crush our dwindling savings too quickly. So we gambled and CLEARLY lost. When discussing our dilemma among ourselves when filling out the paperwork for admission for our son, a woman approached us who had her jacket on. This quiet, sunny smiled woman introduced herself and apologized for eavesdropping. She said she was just about to leave for the day BUT had overheard us talking and asked if we were aware of the new NJ program covering all children with medical insurance? Although she was about ready to leave, she could help us apply for this program. I thought that this woman was an angel in disguise because at that moment, we had no idea where to turn & she could have EASILY just continued on her way out the door that Friday afternoon. Now, I’m sure we would have eventually found out about all of this but in cut down on a lot red tape we would have later had to go through by immediately putting us in the system. I recall when the social worker assigned to us, handed us the exact same paperwork for the service and how pleasantly surprised she was to easily find us already in the computer system. No, that wasn’t an incredible, faith proving miracle but it was a small helpful hand out of the blue that I will not forget. After having the OVERWHELMING feelings of Mary being with me & my son in the hospital early on in this experience then having the AMAZING occurrence of the grammar school friend who contacted me & who shared the story of my son’s oncologist (see my posting on Suffering) and her link to the creation of trial drug my son is taking! These were “in my face” LOUD & CLEAR signs for many to witness, including yourselves since I am sharing them. And since all of this has rocked my family, many have suggested I start praying to St. Therese, “The Little Flower” & how I will receive a gift of a rose to let me know she hears me. Now fully onboard with my belief in signs, me & a friend began a St. Therese novena. I must admit…I’m TERRIBLE at novena’s….I’ll get to maybe day 6 then forget to say the prayer & have to begin it all over again. Well, true to form, I did it again. My friend contacted me, excited to share her news that she had actually received her sign of a rose & asked had I? I chalked it up to not finishing my novena but I shared that I hadn’t. I gave up on the 9 day novena & took to saying the St. Therese prayer daily (meanwhile, I probably said that 9 days in a row unknowingly…HA!) & in the back of mind kept thinking “Wow…I have yet to receive my rose, oh well, no matter, I know she is listening regardless…” well not too long ago, a friend asked me to follow her to her car that she had a little something for me. This friend had NO IDEA of my recent, new devotion to St. Therese & when I got to her car she handed me a little, laminated card of rose petals that were blessed at a apparition site of Mary & Jesus. She said this card was her grandmothers & she had recently come across it & thought of me. On the bottom it said it was for “cures & conversions.” It didn’t hit me at the moment but I was driving home & thought “WOW! I got my gift of a rose that I can keep forever!!!”
Then finally, at possibly most remarkable, the news I've been receiving over the past two weeks of my son’s incredible remission. My son’s treatment protocol was handed to us us in week one....it was a calendar of 52 weeks. The day he was diagnosed he was immediately told he would miss his entire kindergarten year of school. They KNOW that kids with this cancer have AT LEAST a year of a fight ahead of them if they are gonna beat this thing at all. I recently found out that given how badly my son had this disease throughout his system, he had an approximate 20% chance of living. My son threw up ONCE when he first started his treatments and we still have a full bottle of nausea medicine on our shelf from when we first filled the prescription. He has never lost a pound. He has MINOR issues that have been more annoyances than anything else so far and now, at 19 weeks of treatment they are telling me they can find NO MORE CANCER CELLS IN HIS BODY. They did EXTENSIVE study on his bone marrow, thinking that the standard tests they use probably did not find the few cells still left floating around. This past week I was told “No, the special test performed can find NO evidence of any random cells left.” AND the surgery performed on my boy last week was to remove a small lump left at the site of his largest tumor. The PET scan reported no cancer growth there BUT the doctors feared that once dissected, they would find SOME cells left. I’m here to report…they could find NONE. In speaking with the oncologist directly on Friday he said & I quote “Frankly, we have NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE. We all expected a few random cells left in that mass. I had to go back & read the entire report a second time.” My son was called “The Perfect Storm.” FLABBERGASTING!! The science world will explain this away but having lived beside this child morning, noon & night & having been the one tossed the breadcrumbs to follow on behalf of my boy all along…I have seen what the doctors have not. I asked if the doctors were attributing this awesome occurrence to the trial drug he was taking. They said “yes” because they can figure no other reason for it. I would like to see the results of this study to see if other children are responding as my boy has but as far as I know right now…they are NOT. I know some are doing well but NONE have been deemed in “complete remission” at 19 weeks of treatment. A dear friend said “I just wish God could tell you somehow that your son has beat this for good!” I responded “My son could walk out my front door & be hit by a car tomorrow! No one can tell me how long my family will remain intact & healthy. God the father does not ride in with his white beard on a cloud throwing lightning bolts around or setting bushes on fire for shulbs like me. He tosses little breadcrumbs in my path that I can either choose to pick up, or miss all together. I am glad I chose to pick them up so far. I just wonder how many I have missed throughout my life PRIOR to this because of not being aware.”
I watch my favorite movie “Sings” in a whole other light now. I pick up on M. Nights subtle hints at signs that were given Mel Gibson that he chose not to see throughout the film until the very end when he had a tremendous moment of clarity & realizes them ALL which assist him in saving his whole family. Hence his return to his faith. To me Shyamalan is a genius & I wish him better success because for this one viewer…he speaks to me regularly & I get a good scare out of it as well.
Then finally, at possibly most remarkable, the news I've been receiving over the past two weeks of my son’s incredible remission. My son’s treatment protocol was handed to us us in week one....it was a calendar of 52 weeks. The day he was diagnosed he was immediately told he would miss his entire kindergarten year of school. They KNOW that kids with this cancer have AT LEAST a year of a fight ahead of them if they are gonna beat this thing at all. I recently found out that given how badly my son had this disease throughout his system, he had an approximate 20% chance of living. My son threw up ONCE when he first started his treatments and we still have a full bottle of nausea medicine on our shelf from when we first filled the prescription. He has never lost a pound. He has MINOR issues that have been more annoyances than anything else so far and now, at 19 weeks of treatment they are telling me they can find NO MORE CANCER CELLS IN HIS BODY. They did EXTENSIVE study on his bone marrow, thinking that the standard tests they use probably did not find the few cells still left floating around. This past week I was told “No, the special test performed can find NO evidence of any random cells left.” AND the surgery performed on my boy last week was to remove a small lump left at the site of his largest tumor. The PET scan reported no cancer growth there BUT the doctors feared that once dissected, they would find SOME cells left. I’m here to report…they could find NONE. In speaking with the oncologist directly on Friday he said & I quote “Frankly, we have NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE. We all expected a few random cells left in that mass. I had to go back & read the entire report a second time.” My son was called “The Perfect Storm.” FLABBERGASTING!! The science world will explain this away but having lived beside this child morning, noon & night & having been the one tossed the breadcrumbs to follow on behalf of my boy all along…I have seen what the doctors have not. I asked if the doctors were attributing this awesome occurrence to the trial drug he was taking. They said “yes” because they can figure no other reason for it. I would like to see the results of this study to see if other children are responding as my boy has but as far as I know right now…they are NOT. I know some are doing well but NONE have been deemed in “complete remission” at 19 weeks of treatment. A dear friend said “I just wish God could tell you somehow that your son has beat this for good!” I responded “My son could walk out my front door & be hit by a car tomorrow! No one can tell me how long my family will remain intact & healthy. God the father does not ride in with his white beard on a cloud throwing lightning bolts around or setting bushes on fire for shulbs like me. He tosses little breadcrumbs in my path that I can either choose to pick up, or miss all together. I am glad I chose to pick them up so far. I just wonder how many I have missed throughout my life PRIOR to this because of not being aware.”
I watch my favorite movie “Sings” in a whole other light now. I pick up on M. Nights subtle hints at signs that were given Mel Gibson that he chose not to see throughout the film until the very end when he had a tremendous moment of clarity & realizes them ALL which assist him in saving his whole family. Hence his return to his faith. To me Shyamalan is a genius & I wish him better success because for this one viewer…he speaks to me regularly & I get a good scare out of it as well.
Look for your breadcrumbs friends...they are there in your path, all you have to do is bend over & pick them up!
Until the next time good people!
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