I’d pray & pray and ask God for answers and then understanding. NOT the “why me” answers. I just knew if I had a better understanding of the age old question “Why bad things happen to good people…” then I just knew acceptance would follow for me. And as I’ve shared with you before, I think I have been blessed with those answers which has empowered me and brought me tremendous strength and happiness through quite possibly some of the worst events a family may ever face; pending financial ruin & the possible death of child. The “what ifs” can be overwhelming. The sleepless nights physically and mentally debilitating. The stress can kill you & the anger eat you from the inside out.
For me, it has been through praying the rosary and the contemplative time I have spent talking to God directly about these matters that I have been blessed. The quiet time that Pope Benedict has been asking us all to embrace in our lives because it is THESE times that we most strongly hear God’s voice and the rushed, noisy lives we all currently lead drones out any voice from God. I notice it so obviously when my life gets too busy now. If I have no time to spend by myself, quietly for a while, I know I am missing Him. It is these times I feel so far away from God. I have never felt closer to Him as when I am in the hospital, next to my sleeping son & virtually alone in my thoughts. I have no question that it has been these moments that God taught, directed and specifically blessed me with insight on how to navigate not only myself but my family through these otherwise crushing adversities. It is a gift for anyone facing grave issues in their lives and willing to fully embrace them.
I think we spend a lot of time wanting to blame someone for hardships, pain, suffering, misfortune etc. It seems natural to have something/someone to direct all these overwhelming emotions towards even if that someone is ourselves. BELIEVE me, I understand. I actually had someone say to me “You need to ‘check’ yourself…why do you think you and your family is experiencing all of this hardship…” implying it must be “Karma” of some sort. That my wrongdoings have brought my child near death & has kept my husband from finding a job. This person was a Born Again Christian who was trying to “explain” to me my faults of being Catholic. Obviously the ULTIMATE and most damning of all offenses. So once again, another person who believes in a ‘Karma’ outcome to our lives. So since in HIS eyes, my Catholicism was such a sin against God…not only did I have to suffer but my entire family must suffer as well. Huh, tough stuff. Oddly, this person was already a Born Again (a convert from Catholicism) when sadly his wife passed of cancer…I guess I should have asked at that time why he felt he and his wife had to suffer unduly when he had already been a member of the CORRECT faith, huh? ***SIGH*** missed opportunities. But, my response to him WAS “I DO check myself regularly with the grace giving gift of Confession, thank you very much. And my son is ill because people get sick.” But that answer wasn’t complete enough….as time went on I feel that more insight was imparted to me as I thought about it (because unfortunately, one never stops thinking about it)…and one day it struck me quite clearly that “It is NOT because of GOD that we endure emotional & physical pain in this world…it is ultimately because of SIN (so Satan) that ANY human has ever endured pain” and again NOT in a KARMA sort of way but in a “Thrown out of Paradise” way. My meaning, before the first people gravely sinned against God and chose to succumb to the temptations of Satan and angered God to the point of changing the course of human existence forever, there was no pain, suffering, sickness or stress at all. But by being thrown out of the “Garden of Eden” with the stain of original sin….this event ushered in all of human suffering along with it. In my twenties when my pursuit of my faith was in its foundling stages and I was confused about a lot, and had a ton of questions, a dear friend told me that she had a huge problem with religion & God etc. She shared that she believed in a Higher Being BUT she would never understand why a benevolent God would ever allow the little old lady crossing the street who gets hit by a runaway bus to EVER happen. She asked this of a priest one day & the priest responded something like “Ohhh, you don’t have a problem understanding God friend…you have a problem understanding Satan.” I have walked around with that statement bouncing around my brain since the early 90’s & I never truly understood it until a few months ago when I was struck with this notion. God does not dump suffering upon humans. Humans have, by our original sin because we chose to listen to Satan (consequences for actions...a concept we have all but lost.) But it is why God sent his Son to live as a human, beside us and why we are witness to Jesus' suffering at the hand of pure & unadulterated evil...he experienced the WORST this human world had to offer to show us that He too would suffer along side of us and understand when we hurt. In doing so, he would open the gates of Paradise to us once again. But we would have to work for it and it would not be easy. He GAVE it to us the first time but with rules. We disobeyed the rules and was punished and sent away from Him. We have been given a second chance to individually gain it back. We each must face Satan and choose wisely. Satan is a very good study of human nature and human nature NEVER changes only our technology does. Currently, Satan is having his HAYDAY with current society. Secularism is his breeding ground. The farther away an entire society moves from faith, the deeper we sink as a whole. Laws supporting the killing of babies in the womb or grandparents in the nursing home…these are grave, grave sins we are all a part of because our tax dollars support them. The destruction of the family and the re-branding of the "modern family" is an affront to God. Nature has become religion for many and “Mother Earth” their god, luring us away from religion as we become a culture of "self morality" and modernist, individualism. As a culture we are actually reverting to our pagan roots with pop culture leading the way with a sexy, enticing image, all too difficult for many to ignore (the modern day apple if you will.) When the majority of the culture considers the faithful the enemy & the outsiders….where does that leave us? Evil is rising. Suffering is great. But I contend if you pray, in particularly the rosary, go to confession, attend mass, and ask for discernment…you will receive understanding. Understanding of whatever your place in this society & world is. Understanding of how to fix your everyday struggles as well as your momentous ones. Understanding of who the enemy is in this world (Satan NOT God) and all you need to defeat him & change the world around you is for more people to pray. If every Catholic (1.1 Billion of us) took 25 minutes out of their day EVERY DAY to say the rosary & directly speak to God in contemplative prayer we would 1) find peace & happiness in our own lives 2) Gain strength you NEVER KNEW YOU HAD 3) expel Satan from your life & help the world as a whole. It doesn’t cost you a dime. You don’t even NEED to buy a rosary…you have ten fingers for a reason. It has transformed me & I would even venture to say saved my emotional life as well as my family’s. You know that popular book called “The Secret” which promotes “self religion”….an evil concept….well I offer you the TRUE secret….the answers CAN be found but not without God blessing you with it. Our society is lost because we have lost touch with God. Human suffering & pain was not meant for humans to handle on their own. That is why we have a society in ruin & moral decay. Once tragedy hits us, we cannot find the human strength to get past it on our own so we anesthetize ourselves, we abuse our bodies & minds because many tragedies are too great for us. We ruin relationships & families are lost. All the answers can be found & peace, security and happiness can be achieved in God. Prayer is the stepping stone to a relationship with God. It took me a long time to get into a comfortable routine with my prayer life, and now, like any exercise routine, when I miss a day I feel off balance. Our faith, our RELIGION, is so perfect in every way. Fall of the cliff and allow yourself to be consumed by it. It will save you. Many of us don’t need a therapist, we don’t need meds, or destructive behavior. Arm yourself with your faith. I know how unbelievable it sounds to those who maybe don’t currently practice or question the whole concept or are in so deep that it seems fanciful that such a simplistic concept could truly help THEM. Maybe one feels they are too smart, too advanced, too sophisticated for religion. Or maybe one feels that being a good person and praying once in awhile and dropping into Mass randomly is enough…I implore you to look deeper.
If I am fortunate enough in 2012 to 1) put my son’s illness behind us and 2) see my husband employed again before complete financial ruin….I can honestly say I don’t think I will ever be faced with a scenario I couldn’t endure. The lessons learned while living through these experiences and blessings and graces my family has received I could have never dreamed of. God continues to shower my family and guide us daily & I wish it for all of you. Even if these things do NOT come to pass, I am certain God will see us through until they do. No matter what the outcome.
I share with you all of this in hopes you too can find true peace and happiness in a world so wrought with grief, pain and suffering. Understanding is the key. I continue to pray for it. I will continue to share it. God bless friends.
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